Baby Larry at 3 days old…taken at hospital nursery to be placed in the “Babies Available for Adoption Book.
A letter I wrote to prepare to send to my birth mother if I found her. It was not necessary to send as I found her and we connected via a telephone call.
It was a decision of a lifetime, that with what was known and felt at the time, was a proper decision. I will not judge you. I will never tell you what you did was wrong. It will never be my place to say. I was not mature or old enough to know.
Never say you are sorry; never tell me that what you did so many years ago was wrong. I know in my heart that if you are like I know myself, it was what you thought was the right thing to do.
I will not confront you. I will make this as easy and safe for us both as possible. I just need to know that you are alive, what life has been for you since we parted. I may not have enough time to find you before you depart this life for a better one, but know that my prayers are with you.
I will defend you and your decisions in life as any son would. I will hold your memory true, even if all I know is your name. I will never defile your name, your circumstances or your decisions in life.
I know that I too have made many mistakes, but I have no regrets. Each mistake has made me a better person, turned me a different direction, and made me care more for life than I ever would have before.
If you feel guilt, I will tell you that I feel that you should not harbor any. I have led a good and fulfilling life that I am proud of. Your decision has made my life today what it is. True, it would have been different, but I cannot say it would have been either better or worse. I am a product now of what I have lived and experienced.
To you, mom, I pledge my gratitude for giving me all that I have. I have lost nothing now. Now that I know who you are by name; the only thing I would ask in addition, is to know you. I have many of your attributes. I hold every thought of you to be precious as gold.
I do not know what you look like; I do not know what you sound like. But to me, you are my guardian angel and have helped me through life without conscious awareness of you. I know you talk to me. You always have. You pray for my safety, happiness and well-being.
For the last 32 years, we have been connected. Sometimes I listened to you, sometimes I didn’t. You are my “gut”, my instinct, my heart and my thoughts.
Tonight I raise my glass in praise of your bravery, your life, and all the decisions you made.
Cheers to you mom. You did well.