You’re Nothing More Than a Foster Child!

This was sent to me by a youth who has been in foster care for the past 7 years and will age out next March with no family or support network to go to. It breaks my heart that things I expereinced and thoughts I had over 40 years ago remain a constant in so many of the lives of youth in care today. Society should hang their heads in shame.

UPDATE: I have just received notice that the young man who sent me this is NOT the author of the article. I apologize to the author and wish to give her proper credit. The actual author is Catherine Daniels, a young woman who spent years in foster care. I am sorry I did not verify if the young man who sent this to me was in fact the author.

 

Imagine…

Being the last person to sit down to the table for dinner because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Watching the other children get new shoes/clothes/toys but you have to wait on a “check” because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Getting left behind while the rest of the house goes on vacation or visits a major theme park because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Not wanting to unpack your bags and put things away because you never know when you might be up and moved again because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Sleeping on the couch or porch, with storage bins and trash bags storing your belongings with no personal space to call your own because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

When you move you don’t have a suitcase as other children but rather garbage bags because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.
Not having surgery your doctor recommended because it needs to go through a board for approval before it can be done because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Getting a CD, book, and candy bar as christmas while the rest of the children got DVD players, Walkmans, bikes, etc because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Running away, crossing county, state or even country lines and having no one look for you or report you missing because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Having someone start to care about you, and start to form an attachment only to be up and moved simply because someone decided a different home would be better for you for God knows what reason because you aren’t the biological or adopted child… You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Having a school refuse to re-enroll you for the seventh time in ONE school year. You’re nothing more than a foster child. 

Having doctors offices leave your address blank because it changes so many times. You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Not making friends because you never know when you’ll be up and moved.
You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Refusing to take school pictures because you know you won’t be there at the end of the year. You’re nothing more than a foster child.

Hardening your heart to attachments because you know how quick they disappear. You’re nothing more than a foster child.

When one lives for years within the foster care system, experiences numerous moves and maybe even things worse than that because “You’re nothing more than a foster child”…how can society expect one to form relationships and attachments or even trust others?

This is the life of one who is “Nothing more than a foster child!”

Foster Care Data for FY2006

The United States Foster Care System

 

FY2006 Foster Care Data

The U. S. Department of Health & Human Services Administration for Children & Families collects data each year from the states as to their foster care system. This, along with other resources provide for the base of this analysis. There is usually a 2 year lapse in this data collection; thus this data is from FY 2006…the last fiscal year that data is fully available.

In FY2006:

The U.S. spent $22 billion dollars ($5 billion from the Federal government and the balance from state/county governments) to provide services for children and youth in foster care. This averages out to $40,000 per child.

303,000 youth entered foster care

799,000 youth spent some portion of FY2006 in foster care

209,000 youth exited foster care via reunification, adoption, runaway, aged out, etc

129,000 awaiting adoption

77,000 had TPR completed

26,517 youth aged out

509 youth while in state care

51,000 adopted by foster parents or others

510,000 remained in care at end of FY2006

Placement settings of youth in foster care during FY2006:

Pre-Adoptive Home	3%	17,351
Foster Family Home (Relative)	24%	124,571
Foster Family Home (Non-Relative)	46%	236,911
Group Home	7%	33,433
Institution	10%	53,042
Supervised Independent Living	1%	5,872
Runaway	2%	12,213
Trial Home Visit	5%	26,606

 Case goals of the youth in foster care FY 2006:

Reunify with Parent(s) or Principal Caretaker(s)	49%	248,054
Live with Other Relative(s)	4%	20,359
Adoption	23%	117,380
Long Term Foster Care	9%	43,773
Emancipation	6%	30,662
Guardianship	4%	20,945
Case Plan Goal Not Yet Established	6%	28,827

 Outcomes for the children exiting foster care during FY 2006:

Reunification with Parent(s) or Primary Caretaker(s)	53%	154,103
Living with Other Relative(s)	11%	30,751
Adoption	17%	50,379
Emancipation	9%	26,517
Guardianship	5%	15,010
Transfer to Another Agency	2%	6,683
Runaway	2%	5,049
Death of Child	0%	509

 

 

 NOTE

: Deaths are attributable to a variety of causes including medical conditions, accidents and homicide.(NOTE: totals do not equal per the US DHHS due to how states submit their data)

 Of the youth entering foster care in FY2006 the percentage based on age is as follows:

Less than 1 Year	6%	30,418
1 Year	7%	34,344
2 Years	6%	30,367
3 Years	5%	26,966
4 Years	5%	24,384
5 Years	5%	23,021
6 Years	4%	21,574
7 Years	4%	20,760
8 Years	4%	20,025
9 Years	4%	19,263
10 Years	4%	18,958
11 Years	4%	19,475
12 Years	4%	21,532
13 Years	5%	25,706
14 Years	6%	30,949
15 Years	8%	38,259
16 Years	8%	42,272
17 Years	8%	39,624
18 Years	3%	13,303
19 Years	1%	5,488
20 Years	1%	3,316

 The lengths of stay in foster care for youth in care at the end of FY23006 are:

Less than 1 Month	5%	24,312
1 to 5 Months	19%	97,990
6 to 11 Months	18%	90,875
12 to 17 Months	13%	67,689
18 to 23 Months	9%	46,109
24 to 29 Months	7%	35,047
30 to 35 Months	5%	25,219
3 to 4 Years	11%	55,671
5 Years or More	13%	67,088

 The 10 states with the most youth of foster care at the end of FY2006 are:

1. California

2. New York

3. Florida

4. Texas

5. Pennsylvania

6. Michigan

7. Illinois

8. Ohio

9. Georgia

10. Massachusetts

Race/Ethnicity of youth in care:

AI/AN-Non Hispanic	2%	10,168
Asian-Non Hispanic	1%	2,978
Black -Non Hispanic	32%	162,722
Hawaiian/ PI-Non Hispanic	0%	1,104
Hispanic	19%	96,967
White-Non Hispanic	40%	205,662
Unknown/Unable to Determine	2%	11,286
Two or More-Non Hispanic	4%	19,112

 Gender Percentage:

Male	52%	267,027
Female	48%	242,973

 Foster Homes Available:

In 2006, there were 160,000 licensed non relative foster homes nationwide.

None of the above data includes the more than 2 million U.S. children living with grandparents or other relatives because their parents cannot care for them but are not part of the foster care system. When relatives provide care it is known as kinship care.

There are currently 129,000 youth who are eligible for adoption at the end of FY2006 after 51,000 youth were adopted in FY 2005. The data does NOT include youth age 16 and over who are eligible for adoption but whose case plan is for them to age out of the system. The rate of adoption of youth from care has remained fairly stagnant the past five fiscal years. This is an increase of 15,000 youth awaiting adoption over FY2005.

Age percentages of those waiting for adoption at end of FY2006 are:

Less than 1 Year	4%	5,102
1 Year	9%	11,023
2 Years	8%	10,420
3 Years	7%	9,463
4 Years	6%	8,362
5 Years	6%	7,840
6 Years	6%	7,150
7 Years	5%	6,978
8 Years	5%	6,688
9 Years	5%	6,372
10 Years	5%	6,208
11 Years	5%	6,267
12 Years	5%	6,473
13 Years	5%	6,844
14 Years	5%	6,907
15 Years	6%	7,207
16 Years	4%	5,607
17 Years	3%	4,089

 Lengths of stay for those youth awaiting adoption at end of FY2006 are:

Days-11 months 13%

12-23 months 25%

24-35 months 23%

36-5 years or more 42%

Age percentages for those youth that were adopted from foster care during FY2006 are:

0-5 years 53%

6-10 years 28%

11-14 years 14%

15 year-up 5%

The above data clearly shows the older the youth is and the longer the youth remains in care the less opportunity they will have to be adopted and instead will age of out the system.

 

Top 10 states with the great number of youth adopted from foster care during FY2006 are:

1. California

2. New York

3. Texas

4. Florida

5. Michigan

6. Pennsylvania

7. Ohio

8. New Jersey

9. Missouri

10. Illinois

 

 

The 10 states with the greatest number of youth in foster care but eligible for adoption at the end of FY2006 are:

1. Texas

2. New York

3. Florida

4. Michigan

5. New Jersey

6. Ohio

7. California

8. Oklahoma

9. Pennsylvania

10. Illinois

In FY2005 26,517 (this is up 2,210 from FY2005) youth aged out of the foster care system. Many are only 18 years old and still need support and services. Several foster care alumni studies show that without a lifelong connection to a caring adult, these older youth often are left vulnerable to a host of adverse situations. Based on previous studies done over the past number of years these youth will face the following:

Will earn a high school diploma 54%

Will obtain BA or higher 2%

Will become a parent 12-18 months after discharge 84%

Will experience unemployment 51%

Will have no health insurance 30%

Will become homeless 25%

Will receiving public assistance 30%

Will experience the justice system 27%

There is vital data missing from what the states report to the federal government (or the state does not provide this data) which would prove vital in analyzing the foster care system and the potential damage caused to youth in care. They are:

1. The number of placements the youth experienced while in care. This is vital as it has been shown the more the placements the higher the possibility of damage to the youth.

* Children have on average three different foster care placements. The longer a child or youth remains in foster care the more moves. Frequent moves in and out of the homes of strangers as well as new schools can be profoundly unsettling for children, and it is not uncommon to hear of children who have been in 20 or 30 different homes or 5 to 7 new schools. Many have been separated not only from their parents, but from their siblings.

*Casey Family Programs National Center for Resource Family Support

 

2. The percentage of lengths of stay and age percentage for each state. This would show how each state is doing in complying (or not) with the AFSA of 1997 in regards to the 15 months out of 22 months rule.

3. Data be furnished indicating exact number of youth aging out of the system each year from each state rather than just the total count nationwide.

Christmas Wishes!

I want to take this early morning opportunity to wish each of you, my readers, the full richness of the Spirit, Joy and Blessings of the Christmas Season!

As you rush to complete those last minute details in preparation for the day I pray each will take a moment to remember those who are less fortunate than us…especially the orphans of the world and those youth spending yet another year in the US foster care system.

As one who spent 18 Christmas seasons in foster care I know how difficult this time of year is for youth in care and even after they may age out as I did. You may read about it in my blog entry entitled, “All They Want for Christmas” at:

http://prairieguy.wordpress.com/2007/10/01/all-they-want-for-christmas/

To those of you who are foster parents or have adopted youth from foster care please know that despite what you may say…YOU are HEROES!

Finally as we approach the new year my wish and prayer for each of you is that 2008 will be a year of fulfillment and your best year ever.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Peace,
Larry~

Do You Know What ASFA of 1997 Really Says??

A decade ago, children were more likely to spend years in foster care as authorities tried again and again to reunite them with their biological families.

Reunification at ALL costs appeared to be the ultimate goal of the various state agencies. Young lives were being damaged at best and destroyed at worst with this philosophy.

The 1997 Children and Safe Families Act called on states to terminate parental rights faster so that children would be available for adoption sooner. The idea was to give more children permanent,stable homes.

I belong to numerous messageboards on line dealing with foster care and adoption issues. From various comments I have seen about ASFA it appears there are a great number of misconceptions as to what it says.

I have done extensive research to find out exactly what it says as well as what it means.

Do you know what ASFA 1997 actually includes? (Any BOLD passages have been made bold by me to emphasize the wording.) I will add some commentary at the conclusion of going through the sections of the law.

ADOPTION AND SAFE FAMILIES ACT:

The Adoption and Safe Families Act (ASFA), P.L. 105-89, 111 Stat. 2115, amending 42 U.S.C. §§671-675, was passed in 1997 to improve the safety of children and to promote adoption and other permanent homes for children who need them, as well as to continue to support families. Stating that the child’s health and safety were of paramount concern, the law made changes in and clarified some of the policies established under the Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act of 1980. It contained a wide range of provisions, from reauthorization of existing programs to providing adoption incentives for states.

ASFA regulations were announced by the U.S. Health and Human Services Department on January 25, 2000 and went into effect on March 27. States had 12 months in which to meet some of the requirements, but most had to be met right away. See 65 F.R. 4020 (January 25, 2000), amending 45 C.F.R. Parts 1355, 1356, and 1357.

A state must meet certain requirements in order to comply with foster care program provisions of the Title IV-E state plan or to be eligible to receive federal financial participation for foster care maintenance payments. While some requirements affect state plan compliance alone, others affect the child’s eligibility for Title IV-E foster care payments.

Reasonable Efforts Generally: The state must make reasonable efforts to: 
maintain the family unit and prevent the unnecessary removal of a child from his or her home, as long as the child’s safety is assured; effect the safe reunification of the child and family (if temporary out-of-home placement is necessary to ensure the immediate safety of the child); and make and finalize alternate permanency plans in a timely manner when reunification is not appropriate or possible. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(b).

“Contrary to Welfare” Determination in First Court Ruling: A child’s removal from the home must be the result of a judicial determination that continuation in the home would be contrary to the welfare of the child, or that placement outside the home would be in the best interest of the child. This determination must be made in the first court ruling that sanctions (even temporarily) the removal of the child from the home. If this “contrary to the welfare” determination is not made in the first court ruling, the child is not eligible for Title IV-E foster care payments for the duration of that stay in foster care. The omission cannot be remedied. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(c).
 
Reasonable Efforts to Prevent Removal: When a child is removed from his or her home, a judicial determination as to whether reasonable efforts were made, or were not required, to prevent removal must be made no later than 60 days from the date the child is removed from his home. If this determination is not made, the child is not eligible for Title IV-E foster care payments for the duration of that stay in foster care. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(b)(1).

Reasonable Efforts Not Required: Reasonable efforts to prevent removal or to reunify the family are not required where the state agency has obtained a judicial determination that such efforts are not required because:
 
The parent has subjected the child to aggravated circumstances (as defined in state law);
The parent has been convicted of murder or voluntary manslaughter of another child of the parent, aiding or abetting, attempting, conspiring or soliciting to commit murder or voluntary manslaughter, or a felony assault that results in serious bodily injury to the child or to another child of the parent; or
Parental rights have been terminated involuntarily with respect to a sibling. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(b)(3).
 
Foster Care Placement; Limit on Court Role: To satisfy the requirements for a case plan for each child (see §38.3 on P.L. 96-272), the state agency must promulgate policy materials and instructions for use by staff to determine the appropriateness and necessity for the foster care placement of the child. Federal financial participation in foster care payments is not available when a court orders a placement with a specific foster care provider. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(g).

Permanency Hearing; Deadline: Previously, the Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act required that states hold dispositional hearings within 18 months after placement of a child in foster care. ASFA repeals this provision and establishes a permanency planning hearing. This hearing must occur within 12 months of the date a child “is considered to have entered foster care,” or within 30 days of a judicial determination that reasonable efforts to reunify the child and family are not required. A child “is considered to have entered foster care” on the earlier of the date of the first judicial finding of abuse or neglect or the date that is 60 days after the child is removed from the home. 45 C.F.R. §1355.20(a).

Permanency Plan Set at Hearing: The court must determine the permanency plan, or goal, for the child at the permanency hearing. 45 C.F.R. §§1355.20 and 1356.21(h). (This hearing to determine the permanency plan does not have to be the “permanency hearing” described in state law. Under ASFA, the court can hold a hearing on the permanency plan any time, which must be at least every twelve months; the state law presumptions at permanency hearings under the Children’s Code are a separate matter.)
 
Permissible plans: Permissible permanency plans, or goals, under ASFA are:
Return to parent;
Adoption;
Legal guardianship;
Placement permanently with a fit and willing relative; or
Another planned permanent living arrangement, but only if the state agency has documented to the court a compelling reason why none of the other options would be in the child’s best interest. The regulations offer examples of compelling reasons, including that of an older teen who specifically requests that emancipation be his or her permanency plan. 45 C.F.R. §1355.20
 
Reasonable Efforts to Finalize Plan: The state agency must obtain a judicial determination that it has made reasonable efforts to finalize the permanency plan that is in effect (whether the plan is reunification, adoption, legal guardianship, placement with a fit and willing relative, or placement in another planned permanent living arrangement). This determination must be made within 12 months of the date the child is considered to have entered foster care, and at least once every twelve months thereafter while the child is in foster care. If the determination is not made, the child becomes ineligible for Title IV-E payments after the end of the twelfth month following the date he or she is considered to have entered foster care, and remains ineligible until such a determination is made. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(b)(2).
 
TPR Required: Deadline for Filing. The state must file or join in a petition to terminate parental rights if the child has been in foster care for 15 of the most recent 22 months. The petition must be filed by the end of the child’s 15th month in foster care. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(i)(1)(i).

This 15 month period runs from the date on which the child is considered to have entered foster care, that is, the date on which the child was adjudicated an abused or neglected child or the date 60 days after the child was removed from the home, whichever comes first. 45 C.F.R. §1355.20(a).

TPR Within 60 days of Felony Determination: If the parent has been convicted of one of the felonies listed in the regulations, the petition to terminate must be filed within 60 days of a judicial determination that reasonable efforts to reunify the child and parent are not required. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(i)(1)(iii) 

TPR Within 60 days of Abandoned Infant Determination: If a child is determined by the court to be an “abandoned infant” (as defined by state law), the petition to terminate must be filed within 60 days of the judicial determination that the infant is abandoned. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(i)(1)(ii). 

Exceptions to TPR Requirement: The state agency may elect not to file for TPR if: 
at the agency’s option, the child is being cared for by a relative; the agency has documented in the case plan (which must be available for court review) a compelling reason for determining that filing such a petition would not be in the best interests of the individual child, or the agency has not provided to the family services that the state deems necessary for the safe return of the child to the home, when reasonable efforts to reunify the family are required. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(i)(2).

Recruiting Adoptive Family Begins At Filing for TPR: When the state files a petition to terminate parental rights, it must concurrently begin to recruit, identify, process and approve a qualified adoptive family on behalf of the child, regardless of age. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(i)(3).

Specific Findings on Contrary to Welfare and Reasonable Efforts Required: Judicial determinations regarding contrary to the welfare of the child, reasonable efforts to prevent removal and reasonable efforts to finalize the permanency plan in effect, including judicial determinations that reasonable efforts are not required: must be explicitly documented, must be made on a case-by-case basis, and so stated in the court order. 

A transcript of the court proceeding is the only other documentation that will be accepted to verify that these determinations have been made. Affidavits, nunc pro tunc orders, and references to state law are not acceptable. 45 C.F.R. §1356.21(d

Commentary:

As one reads through ASFA 1997 it all sounds very good. Unfortunately, as with many laws, it is not worth the paper it is written on. The states DO NOT follow the act and they in the past years have NOT suffered any penalty; though the youth have!

Termination of parental rights petitions are rarely filed following the 15/22 rule. Agencies and judges seem to believe this is a guideline rather than a mandate. They continuously restart the clock giving bios chance after chance to get their act together. Meanwhile the youth continues to linger in limbo.

This is despite a ruling by a Federal Judge in 2001:

Case Law:

http://ssw.unc.edu/fcrp/fp/fp_vol6no1/wijudge_sue_speedy_adoption.htm

The law requires, except where exempted, reasonable efforts to reunify youth with their parents. It appears that states are using the Exceptions to TPR Requirements clause in any way possible to not follow the 15/22 clause. Some states continue, seven years after implementation, to operate under the old philosophy of reunify at all costs no matter how long it may take.

You can quote the Adoption and Family Safety Act of 1997 and get a totally blank look from the people who are supposed to be in charge of enforcing the act. They need to get “all their ducks in a row” and follow the intent of the act which is “the best interest of the child is uppermost”. As it stands now, it’s the rights of the parents.  Their “civil rights” have to be protected no matter how much further damage is done to the children already scarred by the placement in the system.

A law is good only if it includes enforcement and penalty clauses; ASFA does not! The federal government completed it first audit of all 50 states in 2005 to see if they met the minimum of seven standards. The results were/are alarming as not one single state passed the audit. Despite this result not a single state was penalized.

Overall it appears to me that ASFA of 1997 has been a failure! You may read other of my blog entries that sight the various statistics for the past several years.

I could go on in length but will conclude this commentary with a simple statement: “It is time for the general public to demand the law be enforced. It will be to society’s benefit but more importantly to the youth languishing in the system.”  

Right to be heard:

I have addressed this issue in a previous blog entry but thought it appropriate to also include it here so the two laws would be together.

U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Administration for Children & Families web site includes the following:

8.3C.2b  TITLE IV-E, Foster Care Maintenance Payments Program, State Plan/Procedural Requirements, Case review system, notice and opportunity to be heard
 
2. Do the notice requirements in section 475(G) of the Social Security Act apply to all court hearings? Do they apply to shelter care, emergency removal, adjudication and disposition hearings? Do they apply to procedural hearings, such as pretrial hearings or hearings on motions for discovery?
 
Answer:  The revised statutory language confers a “right” to be heard instead of an “opportunity,” as well as changes such right to be heard to a “proceeding” instead of “review or hearing” as in the previous language. Thus, we are interpreting this change to mean that in having a “right” to any “proceeding” to be held with respect to the child, the foster parents, pre-adoptive parents or relatives providing care for a child must, at a minimum, be provided with notice of their right to be heard in all permanency hearings, as well as six-month reviews, if held by the court.
Source:  01/29/07
Legal Reference:  Social Security Act – section 475(5)(G), 45 CFR 1356.21(o)

If you wish to go to the source:
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/j2ee/programs/cb/laws_policies/laws/cwpm/policy_dsp.jsp?citID=1

Imagine this was YOU!

For a brief moment, close your eyes; free your mind and imagine a baby, or a 2, 4, 6, or 10 year old and playing with their favorite toy.

All of a sudden, there’s a knock on the door. The foster parent opens the door and in walks a nicely dressed lady. The lady briefly speaks to them, then walks over to the child and says that they need to go with her. They don’t know where they’re going. As they are leaving, they notice the foster parents walking behind – carrying a partially packed brown paper grocery bag with all their worldly posessions. At this point, they don’t understand what’s happening; their heart starts to beat fast, they want to ask where they’re going but are afraid. Finally they take a deep breath and blurt out, “Where am I going?” The nicely dressed lady looks at them and replies, “You are going to a nice home.” The mind starts to travel, “What did I do wrong? Why can’t I stay here? Why don’t these people want me anymore?  Will I see my friends again? Will I go to the same school?”

At this moment, all that they have ever known has been taken from them; everything, except their name…though they aren’t sure if even that is real.

Now, imagine that child is YOU! Imagine also this has happened to you not once but two, four, eight…even twelve to fourteen times. Imagine finally that after all this you are left to age out of the system; upon your eighteenth birthday you are thrown out by a system that has been your “parent” all those years like a piece of garbage and told, “You are an adult now…make it on your own!”

This scenario is played over and over for the many children that are faced with foster care. Sometimes, we are given a second chance in life; the opportunity to come full circle. What we do with what is offered is totally up to us and no one else. Sometimes we go from bad to worse.

Being a foster child is not what we choose to be; but something that has been chosen for us. I often see us as “a product of the system”, viewing the world differently than others may view it. In our world, we often have seen pain, mistrust, abuse and even hatred. We are given a stigma that is hard to shake; if you ever can. Words are spoken to us that hurt tour very core.

We, in turn, create our own world where we hope to find that little piece of love, happiness or stability that was taken or absent in our lives. We use this as our defense mechanism.

Whether it benefits or harms us, this is the world we create; one which I created. My world was often in a remote area of the backyard of my various foster parents home; there I played with toy soldiers thinking for awhile I could rule the world.

As foster children we long to belong, to be loved and to have our very existence acknowledged. We want to belong in a world where we are like your own children, your own relatives. We wish to belong to a family that says we are theirs no matter what. We don’t want pity, we don’t need pity; we just want to be loved and cared permanently for without the presence of mistreatment, misrepresentation or dismissal.

As foster children, we experience special occasions such as holidays or birthdays and find them especially difficult and painful. We don’t really look forward to them but can’t stop them from coming. We see kids with their families, and wish that it were us. We lie in bed at night and ask “why not me?”
 
I have to wonder how many biological parents or children could endure the life many foster youth have had to endure…could you survive it and be whole?

I now find myself in a position to assist other foster children in ways that I was not assisted. God does things in His own time.

When I was young, I resented my bio-parents for what they had done and often my foster parents for what they didn’t do. As I’ve matured, I’ve come to accept the hand that I was dealt and now view the negative events in my life as things to make me a stronger person and as just stepping-stones to my future.

Every child will have a story to tell. Whatever story it is; Our Children will look to their teachers, social workers, clergy, and parents, as their guide through life. Will they tell the story of hate, sorrow, mistrust and pain? Or, will it be one of love, a story of someone that made a difference in his or her life.

Now reread the first paragraphs of this entry; imagine you lived this sort of childhood; What might your story be?

December Heroes to our Foster Youth

This is the third month since this particular blog entry began. I have found it extremely interesting searching the Internet as well as various other resources available to me in making my selection

My selection this month came down to two possibilities. One was a family in my own local community (Fargo, ND) who adopted four youth from foster care on National Adoption Day. This was a tough choice to pass up. The second, which is the choice, was chosen because of the work they do and the age group they work with.

December’s choice for “Heroes for our Foster Youth is:

“The Homecoming Project”
Minneapolis, Minnesota

The Homecoming Project is a Minnesota Department of Human Services project to increase the number of adoptions of adolescents who are under state guardianship in Minnesota.  The Minnesota Department of Human Services is contracting with the Minnesota Adoption Resource Network (MARN) to provide these services.  This demonstration project, funded by a federal Adoption Opportunities and Activities Grant, provides an opportunity to expand efforts to recruit permanent families for teenagers.

Their mission is:

To increase the rate and frequency of adoptions for teenagers under state guardianship

To strengthen participating youths’ connectedness to caring adults and the larger community

They work with youth ages 13-17 who:

• are under state guardianship

• have a permanency plan of adoption

• have no identified adoptive family

• had a termination of parental rights court 
   ordered more than one year ago

Minnesota, like most states in the country, has a high proportion (22%) of its youth in care between these ages. However, this age group only makes up 8% of the adoptions each year. Though I have a passion for all youth in care, this age group holds a very special place in my heart for I have been there, done that!

It has been shown across the country that as a youth ages as well as the longer they remain in care the less the prospect they will ever be adopted. This means they will age out of the system upon their eighteenth birthday.

In a few states assistance if offered to those aging out; if they meet and continue to meet certain requirements.

Unfortunately for youth in most states aging out; they will be on their own whether they are prepared for it or not. If teenagers in foster care don’t find permanent families, they face a grim future. Every year, more than 24,000 American young people age out of foster care.

Young people who age out of foster care don’t tend to fare very well. With nowhere else to go, many return to the biological families they were taken from to begin with, families where they faced abuse and neglect. They’re more likely than their peers to end up pregnant, or in jail. One study found that one in five young people who age out of foster care becomes homeless. Many never even finish high school.

A decade ago, children were more likely to spend years in foster care as authorities tried again and again to reunite them with their biological families. The 1997 Children and Safe Families Act called on states to terminate parental rights faster so that children would be available for adoption sooner. The idea was to give more children permanent, stable homes. This has proven in some cases successful but this success story mostly applies to babies and younger children, not teenagers.

In the years since, the number of children in foster care has dropped, overall. But the number of teenagers in foster care has risen. And for teenagers in foster care, the odds are still heavily against finding a family to adopt them.

Here are some of the numbers:

Total number of children in foster care in the United States:

1998: 559,000
2005: 513,000

Number of teenagers in foster care:

1998: 180,961 (31 percent of total)
2005: 203, 382 (40 percent of total)

Number of teenagers adopted from foster care:

1998: 3,096 (8 percent of total adoptions from foster care)
2005: 5,750 (11 percent of total adoptions from foster care)

Number of teenagers considered “awaiting adoption”*:

1998: 17,719 (14 percent of all children awaiting adoption)
2005: 29,437 (26 percent of all children awaiting adoption)

Number of teenagers who emancipated, or aged out, of foster care:

1998: 20,000             2005: 24,407

*Most of the children in foster care are not considered to be “awaiting adoption.” Adoption is the “case goal” of only 20 percent of the children. The case goal of some children is emancipation or long-term foster care, meaning no attempt is being made to find permanent families for those children. 2005 is the last year data is fully available.

Sources:

Figures compiled by Chapin Hall Center for Children at the University of Chicago using data from the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System
(AFCARS).

The AFCARS report preliminary estimates for 2005 (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

How many of you can say we were ready to face the world without support from family, mentors or others in the community willing to offer support in some fashion?

Most, when you turn eighteen will have a supportive family or other resource.  You may have assistance in helping pay for college; you will have a home to go to spend the holidays and summer vacations from school. You may even be provided a rent free place to live if you are attending college locally. You definitely, in most situations, will not be on your own; alone in the world.

I remember my first summer after aging out; it was spent on the streets surviving in any manner I could until college started in the fall. I was fortunate I at least had a scholarship to college. 

I remember that first Christmas season after I aged out of the system. During Christmas break when the campus closed down I had nowhere to go; I did not have a family or a home. I spent those three weeks, with special permission from the college, alone in my dormitory room. I spent the following years in the same manner.

Since I was not taking courses during the summer I had to vacate my dorm room. It was not home to family that I went; rather it was to a “rented room” while I worked during the summer until the fall semester.

I was one of the fortunate ones. Despite the lack of a support system; I made it! However, an overwhelming number of youth aging out without a support network, especially family, do not do so. Only 2% of these youth will make through to a college degree.

This is why “The Homecoming Project” is so important to the youth it serves.

Family is vital, whether it be biological or adopted, to a youth not only before they turn eighteen but even after. Many have family for many years; some even until their own death. Too many youth, where parental rights have been terminated, have no one.

The failure statistics among these youth I have indicated in previous blog entries.

One of the major practices The Homecoming Project is having the youth actually have a voice, many times for the very first time since they came into care. The youth are fully engaged in identifying and achieving their individualized permanency outcomes.  Not only are they able to participate in cultivating their own recruitment plans, developmentally they must participate, in order to mature into healthy adults. 

The Homecoming Project field tests innovative practices in adoption.  Wilder Research will document and evaluate the effectiveness of the project.  Findings will be published and distributed throughout the project, setting new standards for practice with adolescents in adoption…it is hoped it may one day become a program in communities throughout the country.

So with this in mind; has the project and youth proven to be successful?

The Homecoming Project got a federal grant to try to place more teenagers in permanent homes. It assigns kids adoption recruiters who search for people to adopt the kids. The project is now entering the fifth year of its five-year grant, and it has placed 32 teens in permanent homes. That’s a third of its caseload, and a much higher rate than the state average.

Here are just three of the success stories of The Homecoming Project:

Amanda & Chris: were featured on a MN NPR documentary program in November

http://americanradioworks.publicradio.org/features/fostercare/c1.html

Roger:

http://americanradioworks.publicradio.org/features/fostercare/e1.html

The project is directed by Michelle Chalmers, herself a former foster youth who aged out of the system. She spends her days trying to find families who will adopt teenagers, trying to persuade teenagers that they ought to consider being adopted, and trying to persuade the rest of the world that they should care what happens to kids in foster care.

When Chalmers herself turned 18 and couldn’t stay in her foster home anymore, she went to college. That’s unusual.

She couldn’t go back and stay with that family in the summer. She had to find jobs that included housing, such as being a camp counselor. She’s gone on to make good friends and to find a partner, but she still misses having a family. She says she’s 40 years old, but she’s still aging out of foster care. I can relate to Michelle since I am now 57 and still aging out. I say, “though you may leave the system, the system never leaves you!”

“Every holiday it’s the same, trying to figure out how much time I can be with my partner’s family,” she says.

The people in her partner’s family like each other. They call each other up to chat.

“It’s very nice. It’s very sweet,” she says.

“It’s wonderful but I have to take breaks. It makes my mind go crazy places … It’s a constant reminder of what could have been, or what most people on the planet have, in terms of human relationships.”

But that loss also helps her understand kids whose own families have fallen apart. “I think it’s one of the ways that I think I do my work well, is that I know the empty spots,” she says. “And that doesn’t mean we’re all a bunch of freaks running around who can’t function. But I think there are vulnerable empty spots that are just going to be there.”

So it makes her angry when people ask her why bother finding adoptive homes for teenagers.

“That blows me away, that anybody thinks that kids in foster care need families only until their 18th birthday,” she says. “I say, you’re 40, do you have a family? Most do.”

Although many people lose family members to divorce and death, it’s a rare person who has no family at all.

Chalmers says foster kids ought to have the same opportunity to have lifelong connections with people.

“We should have the same expectations for their future as the kids we birth,” she says. “We have a higher responsibility to them because we took these kids from their families - for good reason most of the time, but implicit in that is a promise to find something else.”

It makes her angry when well-meaning social workers teach foster kids how to find a homeless shelter or a food shelf after they age out.

“It’s like people who go on suitcase drives to collect suitcases because foster kids often move with their stuff in a garbage bag. That just puts me over the edge. Why do we assume that it’s OK for foster kids to move 500 times so we just get them luggage so they can do it prettier?

“People do these feel-good activities and the assumption is: You don’t deserve a family, you’re not going to get one … so here’s a new duffel bag! Good luck to ya! It feels insane to me.”

Michelle Chalmers wants to keep doing this work. Once the grant expires, it is in its final year, she plans to launch her own agency and keep finding teenagers a place they can call home forever.

For more information on the Homecoming Project works and the support they provide go to:

http://www.mnadopt.org/homecoming.htm

Some of the current teen youth eligible for adoption:

http://www.mnadopt.org/hp_youth.htm

Foster Care; “Right to be Heard”

As stated in previous blog entries; I belong to a number of on line message boards dealing with foster care and adoption.

One, of numerous, issues I have seen from foster parents is proceedings being conducted in which they were not advised of or not being given the opportunity to be heard at proceedings. This is an issue because who knows the foster child the best but the foster parents. Foster parents care for the youth twenty-four/seven while a social or case worker might be the youth for 20 minutes or so a month; if they are lucky. The judge and they mainly rely on the “case file” in making decisions.

Recently I received my E mail copy of “Fostering Perspectives” November 2007 issue. This comes out twice a year from the North Carolina Department of Human Services. I consider it one of the best state agency newsletters dealing with foster care and adoption in the country.

Two of the first sentences in the issues immediately caught my eye:

“There is a lot of change afoot in North Carolina’s child welfare system.

Just consider: a new federal law gives foster parents the right to be heard at court hearings.”

My first reaction was, “What, I haven’t heard of a new federal law! What is it and when was it passed and why hasn’t there been any news about it?”

I immediately felt the need to research the issue because I know of its importance to foster parents and foster youth.

I went to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Administration for Children & Families web site. It is very detailed though it is done in a way where one must know what they are looking for. I did numerous searches entering a variety of words…then BINGO! I hit the jack pot! Surprisingly the answer is in the Social Security Act and not one directly related to foster care.

8.3C.2b  TITLE IV-E, Foster Care Maintenance Payments Program, State Plan/Procedural Requirements, Case review system, notice and opportunity to be heard
 
2. Do the notice requirements in section 475(G) of the Social Security Act apply to all court hearings? Do they apply to shelter care, emergency removal, adjudication and disposition hearings? Do they apply to procedural hearings, such as pretrial hearings or hearings on motions for discovery? 
 
Answer:  The revised statutory language confers a “right” to be heard instead of an “opportunity,” as well as changes such right to be heard to a “proceeding” instead of “review or hearing” as in the previous language. Thus, we are interpreting this change to mean that in having a “right” to any “proceeding” to be held with respect to the child, the foster parents, pre-adoptive parents or relatives providing care for a child must, at a minimum, be provided with notice of their right to be heard in all permanency hearings, as well as six-month reviews, if held by the court.

Source:  01/29/07
Legal Reference:  Social Security Act – section 475(5)(G), 45 CFR 1356.21(o)

If you wish to go to the source:

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/j2ee/programs/cb/laws_policies/laws/cwpm/policy_dsp.jsp?citID=1

As far as I can tell, in my initial research, that North Carolina is the only state to date to implement this change in the law regarding foster parents having the right to be heard in ALL proceedings regarding youth in their care. I have much more research yet to do about other states.

I believe every foster parent in every county and state should print a copy of this new federal statement and give it to their local agency and also send it to their state office and let them know they need to implement this new policy.

I am sure most states, as they have in the past on many issues, will move slowly on this issue or attempt to ignore it if possible.

This policy was established in January 2007 and it is now about to be December 2007. A year has almost gone by yet it appears foster parents continue to not be notified of proceedings and even when they are they are told not to come nor advised they have a right to be heard. This MUST change!

When it comes to foster youth, those who know the most about them; their problems, their improvements, etc. is the ones who provide the care not those who just read a case file…which many times is totally incomplete or contains wrong information.

It’s up to us; foster parents, youth advocates…the policy is now in place…WE must see that our state follows it!

CPS and the First Christmas

I wonder how things would have been if CPS had been around 2007 years ago for the first Christmas:

INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE

Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother

Bethlehem, Roman-occupied Judea – Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Child Protective Services personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth.

During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but was restrained by the police.

Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who claim to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these, who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest, saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.

The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager of the Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved in maintaining livestock in a commercially-zoned district.

The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service spokesperson said, “The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what their legal relationship is.

Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their departure.

Joseph is being held without bond on charges of kidnapping and child endangerment, and threatening a CPS caseworker when the worker attempted to take the infant from the mother.

Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God. Psychiatrists at the hospital have told a source that they believe Mary suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

The director of the psychiatric wing said, “I don’t profess to have the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others – in this case her child – we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the scene didn’t help her case, but I’m confidant that with the proper therapy regimen we can get her back on her feet.”

The Director of Child Protective Services said: “Our caseworkers are interviewing the parents, Mary and Joseph. It has been determined that they are in need of services, and if they refuse to partake of them, we will promptly bring suit to terminate their parental rights.” When asked who will care for Jesus if that happens, the Director said: “We have many suitable foster parents who already want to adopt this beautiful child.”

Mary was deeply distressed when the child was taken away by a CPS caseworker. Mary said: “They didn’t have any right to take him from me!”

A spokesperson for the governor’s office said, “Who knows what was going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is much we don’t know about this case, but for the sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the end.”

Please bear in mind that I know there are cases that CPS investigates and the children are justifiably removed from there homes. However, there are a number of cases where removal is not justified or where CPS should have removed and did not!

This basically shows  that once an allegation is made CPS considers one guilty  until you can prove you are innocent…and even then if they want removal they will do it! CPS can do/and does whatever they wish!

How Long Must They Languish in Limbo?

For a number of years it was the intent of our child welfare system that ALL efforts should be to reunify a family after a child was removed from their biological parent(s) for abuse or neglect. Because of this effort thousands of youth remained in foster care for a number of years without permanency. They languished in a state of limbo year after year; in many cases they simply in the end aged out of the system.

It was the intent of Congress and President Clinton that this would change with the passage and signing of ASFA (Adoption & Safe Family Act) of 1997. Some of the main parts of this act were:

Though reunification may still be an objective, if possible, it was no longer to be the all encompassing goal of the system; it was to just be one of many possibilities as an end goal plan

Termination of parental rights could commence when a child is in out of home care for a period of fifteen months out of the previous twenty-two month; unfortunately discretion of implementing this was left to the state and judge to determine

 An intent of this law is to move youth quicker through the system to some plan of permanency; in particular adoption

It is now ten years since the passage of this law and questions need to be asked:

Has the attitude of “reunification at all costs” been changed?

Are parental rights being terminated within a more reasonable period to allow for a plan of permanency to be established for foster youth; whether it is reunification, kinship care, guardianship or adoption?

From the government statistics available it appears that at first the new law may have helped. In 1997 there were 31,000 adoptions from foster care system wide. The numbers increased:

 1998: 37,000
 1999: 47,000
 2000: 51,000

In the years that have followed, through the last year government statistics are available, adoptions from foster care seems to have stagnated:

 2001: 50,500
 2002: 53,000 
 2003: 50,500
 2004: 52,500
 2005: 51,500 (last year available)

This is while the number of youth entering foster care has increased from fewer than 285,000 in 2001 to over 311,000 in 2005.

Though the number of youth entering care has increased the number of TPR’S has remained fairly constant at about 65,000 per year over the past five years.

This question was recently asked on a message board that I participate in, “How long have you had a child in your care awaiting reunification or termination of parental rights?”

Here are just a few of the replies that came back:

1. EIGHT YEARS for some friends of ours.

The Chancery Judge thought the druggie mom needed another and another and another chance. Bio mom finally volunteered TPR so the family that had had them for 8 years could adopt them.

Youth Court Judge does TPR’s. Chancery Judge finalized adoptions.

Hubby went to the adoption finalization. There were about 35 people there and the judge asked each and everyone why they were there. When it got to hubby he said he looked at her and said, “Judge, I mean no disrespect but it’s about damn time this happened. You made this drag out entirely too long.” He said the judge teared up.

2. Our little ones will be in FC for 35 months by the time we have TPR trial next month.

3. My friend has had her little boy for three years, since he was three months old. TPR trial has been going on for an entire year and isn’t over yet

4. I had my foster son for 4 1/2 years; they did TPR on bio mom, and then did separate TPR on bio dad. The judge did a suspended judgment on the TPR on bio dad, giving him 6 MORE months after the first 4 years, and then reunified him with the bio dad.

5. My adopted son both parents signed away their rights. But in Pa they have to have a hearing called a confirmation of consent. Anyways that hearing didn’t take place until my son was three years old. And we got him as a newborn. He was three and a half years old when he was adopted.

6. My foster son has been with us for over a year now. He went 6 years until TPR and now it has already been over a year for the appeal and we’re still waiting. I think lawyers get good at playing the system and coming up with delay tactics.

We’re just waiting till we can adopt our little man. Poor guy, can you imagine going 7+ years without permanence in your life?

7. My children were in care 40 months before TPR finally occurred.

Their former case worker has a case that she’s had for the last EIGHT years. The parents keep asking for extensions, and doing JUST ENOUGH to get them, but not enough to bring the child home.

8. Friends of ours boys TPR took over 4 years. BF was in prison and they refused to TPR while he was there and gave him a year after his release to work a plan. After all that time the BF ended up surrendering after making them wait for 4 years!!!

9. My former foster daughter was taken into care at 5 months old… her TPR was not completed until she was nearly 6.5 yrs old…..appeals were finalized at 7.5 yrs and adoption completed 6 months later.

10. We had our soon to be adopted son for 33 months before TPR was granted, appeals took another 5/6 months, then we sat in limbo for almost a year until we signed the adoption papers last week to get the finalization rolling. It was 4 years last Monday that he came to us - the same day we signed the papers!

11. Friends of mine just adopted three foster children they have had for SIX years. They had to hire their own lawyer because after five years in foster care the county was still trying to reunify. They spent tens of thousands of dollars but they finally got TPR.

From just the examples above it appears the attitude of “reunification at all costs” remains in the lexicon of social workers and judges.

Bear in mind; I am all for reunification if it is possible and it is able to be accomplished within a reasonable period of time. A youth should not be held in limbo year after year in hopes the bio parent(s) will get their act together.

It has been shown that the longer a youth remains in care, the more moves a youth experiences and the older the youth gets; the lesser opportunity for adoption.

While the number of adoptions has been fairly stagnant the past fiver years the number of youth aging out of the system has increased from 20,000 a year just a few years ago to over 24,000 last year.

Recently I listened to a documentary on Minnesota Public Radio produced by American Radio Works entitled, “Wanted Parents.” It was a program dedicated to the need to finding adoptive families for eligible teenagers before they age out of the system.

One statement during the program caused me to call in after the documentary aired to participate in the discussion program which followed.

The statement was:

An adoption recruiter for The Homecoming Project in Minneapolis arrives at the group home to meet a new client, and tell a worker why she’s there: 

“My goal is to find this teenager an adoptive home.”

“He’s 17,” the worker says. “Why bother?”
 
Having spent my youth in foster care and being very familiar with this type of attitude caused my blood to rush to my head in anger towards this worker…no wonder an adoptive home was never found for me!

I however loved the response of the adoption recruiter.

She calmly says to the worker:

“Let me ask you something: do you still have family that you talk to, family who are important to you, family that you visit with or call when you have a problem that you’d like to talk to someone about?”

She sees a light bulb go on inside the worker. “Well, of course I do,” she says softly.

The recruiter finishes, “You say to me ‘He’s 17, why bother?’ and my answer to you is this: because he’s only 17.”

During the discussion program that followed I called in and said how the group home worker’s comment truly bothered me. The recruiter said it obviously did her as well and unfortunately this is an attitude she finds still very prevelant within the system.
The text of the entire documentary (not the discussion) may be found at:

http://americanradioworks.publicradio.org/features/fostercare/index.html

How many times have workers said, “Teens are too old to be adopted.” “Don’t get his/her hopes up.” “No family would want to adopt a teen.” “Don’t disturb her foster home placement.” “Let’s leave him in the treatment center until he isn’t angry anymore.”

What will happen to these youth when they turn eighteen if they don’t have an adoptive family? Because the truth is, most teens skip around from placement to placement like stones across water. Eventually they turn 18 and age out of the system.

For teens that age out, research tells us that their future is bleak: many don’t finish high school, become homeless, jobless, addicted, incarcerated, pregnant, pregnant again and many times their own children end up in foster care repeating the vicious cycle all over again.

It is wrong that these teens are moved around, ignored, unprepared for adulthood, and then bounced out of the system at an age when most kids are still either living at home or financially supported by their parents.

It appears the system today continues to allow youth to languish in limbo and to move children from one home to another with no apparent reason. This does not take into account the emotional costs to the child of being raised in a non-stable environment. They also separate siblings, often allowing no contact between those siblings.

You can quote the Adoption and Family Safety Act of 1997 and get a totally blank look from the people who are supposed to be in charge of enforcing the act. They need to get “all their ducks in a row” and follow the intent of the act which is “the best interest of the child is uppermost”. As it stands now, it’s the rights of the parents.  Their “civil rights” have to be protected no matter how much further damage is done to the children already scarred by the placement in the system.

Overall it appears to me that ASFA of 1997 has been a failure!

Too much discretion has been left to states and judges to determine when a TPR may occur or whether it occurs at all. Youth are being allowed to languish in the system year after year with permanence being no more than just a word in their vocabulary.

When a child is removed from their home and placed in care after all other alternatives were researched I believe that the ASFA law should be changed as follows:

1.If the reason for removal was neglect: the parent(s) should be given a case plan which MUST be accomplished within ONE YEAR otherwise TPR MUST proceed. Biological parent(s) cannot be allowed chance after chance after chance while the youth remains in foster care.

2.If removal has been for severe physical abuse or sexual abuse: the person allegedly responsible MUST be charged. If convicted TPR MUST begin immediately. No child should be placed in the position of the offender having yet another opportunity to harm the child

3. Red tape Must be streamlined to make it easier for foster parent(s) or others to adopt youth from care. This is one of the main complaints from those who end up adopting overseas rather than domestically.

4. More effort needs to be concentrated toward finding adoptive homes for teenagers.

I am sure there are other changes that need to happen with the law but these are the few primary ones I will address in this blog entry.

According to most childcare experts, children need four things:

1) Connectedness; “children need to feel that someone is there for them and they are a part of someone’s life”

2) Continuity; a sense of continuous belonging with another person

3) Dignity; all children are worthy of respect caring, love, thought, and courtesy

4) Opportunity; children need an opportunity to grow and develop- need to be able to explore and express their capabilities-access to quality education, recreation, and leisure appropriate to their developmental levels

The best way to achieve all the above is a permanent, stable, loving family rather than years of languishing in limbo within the system moving from one temporary home to another!

They need someone to adopt them and treat them as their own son or daughter long before they face aging out of the system and possible destruction of their lives!

Today there are 114,000 youth eligible for adoption across the country. Many of them are teenagers who have been in foster care five years or longer…far too many of them face the prospect of aging out of the system. 
 
All must be done to make a youth’s time in foster care short and with as few moves as possible. Any decision made MUST be made in the child’s best interest…this needs to become the reality rather than the myth it is today!

The sooner youth have permanency in their lives the better the opportunity for them to become stable, productive members of society as they reach the age of maturity.

A National Adoption Day Celebration

 

Yesterday began as just a normal fall day in Fargo, North Dakota. It was however to be a special day.

I was driving through a light snow fall to the Cass County Courthouse to attend a National Adoption Day ceremony. I had not attended one before and thus had no clue what to expect.

The outside walkway to the entrance had colorful large lollipops on each side. A person’s first name was on each. Later I was to learn that each represented a North Dakota eligible for adoption but still awaiting a family.

Inside the courthouse a crowd was gathering. For no particular reason I chose a courtroom to enter. I was to find out I made the right choice.

Today six children from our county were to have their adoptions finalized. The courtroom I chose to sit in was to be where one family with three children already were about to add four more children to their family. The courtroom was full to capacity with soon to be grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and numerous friends.

The clerk called the courtroom to order as the judge entered. The lawyer then had the clerk swear in Ronald & Billie Jo (adoptive parents) and each took the stand to affirm to a series of questions. Jemisyn was then called forth. Jemisyn was the oldest of the four children being adopted by this family and since she was over the age of ten she had to verbally give her consent to be adopted as well as sign a form also stating it.

The lawyer then asked for the judge to approve the adoption. With a signature and a few words he so declared and suddenly four children were a part of a new family. The judge joined the family for numerous photos being taken of this newly enlarged forever family. I made the choice not to take any photographs during this time as I did not want to intrude on this moment of celebration.

A reception followed in the courthouse rotunda followed by a short speaking program. Letters of support were read from both our U.S. Senators, a word from each of the two judges who conducted the adoptions (two adoptions by two families were held in a second courtroom).

The four of the children said a few words oh how they felt about being adopted. The highlight was one of the boys, who appeared to be maybe five, stood in front of the crowd for a minute or so and finally blurted out, “I don’t know what to say!”

The program concluded with Mom (Billie Jo) giving very heartfelt and tearful comments of what the day meant to her and her family.

While the reception was going on I had the opportunity to speak to one of the county social workers about our situation in North Dakota. We have over 1,400 youth in foster care. Over 300 of these children are eligible for adoption; with over of 100 of them just in our county. These are high number considering North Dakota has less than 800,000 people living in the state.

I was also able to share a few brief moments with Ronald (the adoptive father of the four children). I had a much longer conversation with Billie Jo’s father, the new grandfather. He told me more of the family’s story.

Billie Jo & Ronald have one biological child. They became foster parents a number of years ago and have cared for twenty-two youth. This is their second adoption. They adopted two children earlier. Today their family grew from five to nine, including the parents.

The inside program ended and it was time to move outside for a balloon ceremony. Each color balloon released held significance:

White: Love and unity
Green: Remembering the birth families of each youth
Yellow: Remembering former foster families of the youth
Red: Honoring the three sets of adoptive parents
Orange: Thanking extended adoptive families/friends for their support
Blue: Celebrating the lives of the newly adopted children

Each of the newly adopted youth were given a bouquet of these balloons and released them one at a time as words of remembrance, thanksgiving, honor and celebration were offered. The photographs on this page obviously were taken during this time.

Jemisyn, Raziah, Kaisha, Charley, Cale & Elizabeth today have forever families.

The program concluded and I moved on to a local restaurant for a late breakfast. I didn’t know it would end up being the same place Ronald, Billie Jo, their now seven children, extended family and friends would also choose to gather in one of the private dining rooms.

During the course of eating my breakfast Billie Jo unexpectedly came over to my table. She thanked me for being present at the ceremony and also spoke of some of the comments I had shared with her father.

This turned out to be a very special morning for me. I am glad I attended the ceremony. It was also bittersweet. As I sat in the courtroom listening to the finalizing of the adoptions I could only think back to my own childhood. I had lived in foster care my entire youth, experienced sixteen moves during those years; however, I never had the joy of experiencing what these children experienced today.

There will be another National Adoption Day next year (the Saturday before Thanksgiving); it is my hope and prayer that a far larger number of foster youth in our county and state eligible for adoption will be joined together with a new forever family.

This is but one celebration held across the country yesterday. In over 250 courtrooms well over 3,000 foster youth became part of a forever family!  

Every child deserves a stable, secure, nurturing and loving family…whether it is a biological or adoptive family!

What Foster Parents Wish Social/Care Workers Knew & Did

I have mentioned in previous entries that I belong to various on line message boards dealing with foster care and adoption.

Recently I was reading threads on a board I belong to and came to one that definitely drew more attention from me than many others that day. It was entitled, “What foster parents wish social workers knew and did.”

Though I am not a foster parent but rather a foster care alumnus I could very much relate to the issues discussed. During my eighteen years in foster care I was rarely spoken to about decisions being made about my future; just as rarely were my foster parents ever made a part of the decision making process.

In matter of fact as far back as I have any memory I remember my foster parents being told of the decisions after the fact. Their advice was not asked for though they were supposedly part of a team. It appeared to me that there were viewed as “babysitters” rather than the temporary parents that they were.

The social workers seemed to think they knew ALL the questions as well as the answers to them. This was despite the fact that many of them were young, right out of college and never parented children themselves. Their maybe twenty minutes, if lucky, spent with the foster parents or youth per month carried ALL the weight in the decision making process rather than the ones who cared for me twenty-four/seven.

I firmly believe the attitudes of many of the social workers in the field today need to be changed. Some of those who posted to the thread entitled above say it far better than I as they are current foster parents.

Thus I have snagged some of their comments, having changed the wording of some, as to what they wish social workers knew/do. I decided their suggestions needed a far wider audience than the message board I saw them on. Thus I am relating them here; though I have removed any identification from them so as not to put anyone in a bind with their social workers. Some of the suggestions may be repeated…it means they were stressed more than once and one should pay heed to them!

I believe that if they even adopted a few of the suggestions they would make for more informed decisions and have far better relationships with foster parents as well as the foster youth.

Here are just some of the ideas stated:

BE HONEST:

1. We know the youth may be damaged; we just need to know how and in what way.

2. Tell me if you have 75 cases so I will know I am pretty much on my own.
 
3. Tell me if the teen uses drugs or if sexual abuse is involved in the case.

4. Tell me if this is the youth’s first time in foster care or a return to care. Tell me how many previous homes they have been in and how long they have been in care.

5. There is no reason to lie to us; we’re all supposed to be on the same team.

6. Tell me if you know the youth has more appointments in a week than there are days. I have a job that I need to work around.

7. If a teen is involved; tell me if on probation/parole and why.

8. Tell me if the youth has a different religion and what I need to do to respect it.

9. Tell me reimbursements are delayed, don’t tell me it is in the mail.

TRUST US:

………. because we are with this child day in an day out……

1. We should know if the youth is peeing in the corner.

2. Yes the child needs to see a doctor; I know how to use a thermometer.

3. I am not in it for the money, though it helps.

4. I saw the youth get on the school bus / I walked the youth to their class.

5. You did a background check, psych evaluation, and contacted everyone in the world who knows me. If I was like that it would have been found out sooner.

6. I have no reason to lie.
 
RESPECT US:

1. We are suppose to be part of a team, don’t blow smoke up our behinds and tell us we’re part of the “team” and leave us in the dark, ignore us, or discount what we try to tell you. We usually know more about these children than you or anybody else involved in the case. We do not have the time or energy to make things up or exaggerate. If we tell you about a problem or concern, take us seriously. Don’t dismiss us. Don’t blow us off. Don’t interrupt with excuses or get defensive, but listen to what we have to say. If you don’t know the answer, be honest — don’t tell us more lies. Find out and get back to us. We really DO want to work together.

2. I will not yell at you, don’t yell at me.

3. I have to replace my (appliance/air conditioner/plumbing/roof/car) because the last kid broke it. I am not asking you to pay for it.

4. I only called your supervisor because I have been calling you for 2 weeks.

5. I had the decency not to yell at the bio-parent when they were yelling at me.

6. Believe it or not, I have a career aside from being a foster parent.

7. I am much smarter than you realize.

8. I don’t really mind too much if you are 5-15 minutes late now and then, but when you don’t show up at all, don’t call, and show absolutely no respect for my time or the children’s pre-visit anxiety, it really ticks us off. There is no excuse for that. We DO have a life, we DO have things to do, and we DON’T have time to wait around on them. We are NOT sitting around twiddling our thumbs waiting for them to throw us a crumb. We are busy people with things to do and families to tend to.

9. They also need to be reminded to keep your egos in check. YOU are NOT God, you do not know all things, you need to remember that you have these children’s lives in your hands and you will one day answer for the decisions you have made, so you better make good ones. Don’t be spiteful or ruin the kids’ lives because you want to show the foster parents how much power you have or you just want the file off of your desk.

UNDERSTAND US:

1. We have been bitten/slapped/punched/spit-on/pee’d on/poo’d-on/cursed at/ by someone who is not our family member and still found it in our heart to forgive the little person who did it and even love them.

2. I was attached to the child. Of course I cried. At least I waited until they were gone. I want you to realize that these kids are NOT just a number on a case load to US. They are OUR children…even if it’s temporary…We LOVE these children.

3. I absolutely hate it when you a social worker…or worse yet your supervisor thinks they know more about a child that they have spent 20 minutes a month with (or worse yet…never met) than a foster parent who has cared for that child for MONTHS or YEARS.

4. I wish caseworkers wouldn’t say I know how you feel - because unless you have loved, rocked, held, fed, etc this child you have know idea how I feel.

5. When we were going through the roller coaster of adoption - Our caseworkers would keep saying to us we want what you want, we want her to be yours forever; we don’t want to see her go back into that situation. Yep, but at 5 p.m. you go home to your family. This child is not my job she is my life and there is a huge difference. If she goes home tomorrow you still have a job - we have a huge hole in our hearts and an empty quiet house full of memories!

SHOW INTEGRITY:

1. Please get your facts straight before 1) going to court, 2) calling me accusing me of something I didn’t do, 3) writing about me or my kids in a report.

2. Please care enough about the kid to know his correct name, age, where he goes to school (after he’s been in placement for long period of time already)

3. Please listen to me when I say I need help. You know by now that I can handle most anything, when I say I need help, I’m over my head, listen to me

4. Many, many excellent foster parents quit due to caseworker stupidity. Work with us, we’ll bend over backward to work with you.

5. Don’t blame us when you’re the one who screwed up, forgot something, didn’t do your job, etc. We have enough to deal with without taking the blame for things we didn’t do or are not responsible for.

 BACK US UP!!!!!
 
1. with birth parents (tell bm why we didn’t buy designer jeans for her child)
 
2. with lame investigations (stand by those who do the hard job and dont turn your back on us when times get tough. support us dont act like we are guilty until proven “unsubstantuated”)

3. with therapists (tell them that the child has beaten the crap out of us, dont tell the therapist that he has some anxiety about the foster home…hello it is not us that cause him to beat us up)
with the schools (help us fight for IEPs and in school services)

4. with GALs and in court (LET US SPEAK. We have something to say that might just make a difference.)

5. with our disipline when the child tried to separate and divide (tell that kids that they have to follow rules of the house, dont negotiate with them for lesser punishment without speaking to us first)

6. with getting the paperwork done on time without excuses. (We know you are busy, we know you have other cases, but the kids under our roofs are the most important things in the world to us so acknowledge that and don’t give us lame excuses.

7. with telling us what is happening with the case, all of it. We understand confidentuality and all but we are in the middle of this case too and we, once again NEED TO KNOW if Dad is out of jail or if grandpa is dangerous AND if bm has shown up to the visit high….this might effect our childs behaviors.

8.with showing us pictures of the bios so we will know if they walk up to us in a store.

9. with inviting us to court.

10. when you talk to a foster parent be honest. WE WILL FIND OUT SOON ENOUGH IF YOU HAVE LIED TO US. So be upfront from the start so that we can go into this with trust and a sence of teamwork instead of us vs you.

11. by not treating us like a babysitter. We DO “need to know” and so don’t pull that “it is on a need to know basis”

12. with showing respect for us and what we do and tell us that once in a blue moon, we need to hear it too. Our job is no easier than yours.

13. with not picking the child up once a week for a short time and then try to tell us about his behaviors and what you have decided will work for him because more than likely we have already tried it.

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY & SAY WHAT YOU MEAN:

Examples of how many sayings seems today:

WHAT THEY SAY:
He’s a very busy little fellow
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He’s destroyed my office apart in 20 minutes flat.

WHAT THEY SAY:
She seems to have a little cold.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Her temp is 102 and she can’t breathe for coughing.

WHAT THEY SAY:
The family situation is slightly chaotic.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
They’ve been living in the family car which has been re-possessed.

WHAT THEY SAY:
Mom needs to get a little more organized.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Mom doesn’t remember where she left the baby.

WHAT THEY SAY:
These children need an organized, consistent atmosphere.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
They’ve never worn clothes and they eat off the floor.

WHAT THEY SAY:
You’re the only one I would trust with this child.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
Everyone else has turned me down

WHAT THEY SAY:
This child is a picky eater.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
He eats only cheetos, twinkies and Mountain Dew.

WHAT THEY SAY:
She has difficulty with peer relationships.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
She tried to kill her foster sister in her last placement.

WHAT THEY SAY:
We may want to talk about counseling in a few weeks.
WHAT THEY MEAN:
She thinks she’s a dog and barks consta